Although fighting makes us feel bad, finding constructive solutions to fights can lead to a better connection and harmony between partners. Fights usually reflect a longing for a connection with one’s partner. It is not unusual for fights to occur for no specific reason at all. The reason for this is the partners’ pasts and their intergenerational patterns that they have subconsciously internalized while growing up. Because no two people are the same, each person reacts differently to conflict. Some get angry fast, but they calm down just as quickly, whereas others need more time. Differences between people are also reflected in their openness to express feelings; some people have no issue discussing their feelings while others might completely suppress them during a conflict. Our patterns of experiencing, expressing, and accepting feelings are quite resistant to change, which is why communicating our feelings to our partners, especially during conflicts, is crucial. Failing to solve relationship conflicts can quickly lead to a never-ending cycle of having one and the same fights.
By using the qualitative method of scientific research (phenomenological psychology method) for this master’s thesis, we tried to get an insight into how participants of both genders experience expression of feelings and how they accept them in relationships. We carried out half-structured interviews with six participants, equally representing both genders in number. This gave us an insight into each gender’s process of experiencing relationship conflicts. The participants showed very similar reactions to conflict. All of them experienced a strong wave of anger, usually accompanied by feelings of helplessness, sadness, desperation, and frustration. Most of them raised their voices and used hand gestures during fights. The participants also experienced similar physical sensations: raised body temperature, physical tension, and increased heart rate. They all strive for positive conflict solutions and believe that communication between partners is crucial for achieving reconciliation. They closely associate guilt with regret, and they always apologize despite the admission of guilt proving to be difficult for half of the participants. For them, disappointment is tightly connected to sadness, which they often experience after conflict. Fear is also a part of their conflict experience; however, it is rarely present, and when it is, it is of low intensity. All the participants try to be emotionally responsive and acceptive of their partner’s feelings. Resolution makes them feel at peace and more connected to their partner.
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