Many modern couples live part of their lives together at a physical distance, which we call a long-distance relationship. Although psychological closeness is a key factor in a partnership, physical closeness is not always possible due to many factors. According to some estimates, such relationships represent an increasing share of romantic relationships in our society, and although they differ from geographically close ones in many aspects (e.g. they do not experience joint activities such as sex or socializing with friends), we still do not have deeper insights into those processes within them that are generally accepted as key to developing and maintaining intimate relationships in physical proximity (e.g. the role of daily face-to-face conversation).
The main purpose of this doctoral dissertation is to explore how partners in long-distance relationships understand intimacy and how they maintain a partnership despite the lack of face-to-face interaction. In the dissertation we proceed from the hypothesis that intimacy is a basic human need that we satisfy in a relationship with a close person. The work is conceptually based on sociological findings on the transformation of Western society in late modernity and an understanding of psychological concepts within partnerships. As there is only a handful of qualitative research that delves into the attributed meanings of concepts such as intimacy, the aim of the dissertation was to answer fundamental research questions: 1) What does intimacy mean to long-distance partners and 2) How is intimacy developed and maintained without a key component of physical proximity.
Eighteen semi-structured interviews describe the experience and realization of intimacy at a distance through the experience of people who were in such relationships at the time of the interview and meet the following criteria: Slovene is defined as a mother tongue, they are aged from 23 to 32, they are in a long-distance relationship for at least six months, the total duration of the relationship is longer than 12 months and they spend a maximum of 30 days together in a time interval of six months. Using the method of grounded theory, the meaning and expressive form of intimacy in the absence of the physical presence of a partner are analysed, and the impact of 21st century digital age technology is critically evaluated. The results are presented in the form of a
model of intimacy at a distance, which describes in detail the practices of realizing intimacy at a distance as an imagination of the abstract presence of a partner, highlights the specifics of a long-distance relationship and outlines the meaning of maintaining this form of partnership.
Long-distance partners face unique challenges and use six practices to create an abstract partner presence: 1) virtual communication, 2) virtual activities and rituals, 3) virtual sexuality, 4) planning visits, 5) sending surprise packages, and 6) recognizing the sentimental value of objects. Certain features of long-distance partnerships are recognized: lack of physical contact and touch, physical distance of the partner as a space for projections (e.g. romantic idealization), expectation of meeting and trauma of farewell, perception of the distance as »waiting« and the period of time spent together as »intermediate life«, transitions between abstract and physical perception of the partner, the large financial investment due to visits and the impact of the coronavirus pandemic. The sense of maintaining this kind of relationship is recognized in the conceptualization of a long-distance relationship as a transitional period in a partnership that can be overcome by joint planning for the future and awareness of its importance for one's own personal growth.
The first doctoral dissertation on long-distance relationships in Slovenia is an in-depth empirical study of intimate long-distance relationships, which opens and addresses issues of constituting mental and physical closeness. Gaining insight into the dynamics of intimacy, which illustrates a key component of an individual’s physical and mental health, is of paramount importance within increasingly frequent long-distance relationships.
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